Searching for a Way
by Last Marauder of Five
Summary: What if, when Damon was bitten, things were a little different? Elena had her mind a little more made up and Stefan didn't quite succeed in finding the cure? Please R
1. Hope is the Last to Die

**Disclaimer:** I guess you all already know that I don't own The Vampire Diaries, but I'll say it again: I don't own The Vampire Diaries.

**Author's note:** I know I have to update my stories, but this came to me and I just couldn't help but write it. It took me a while, but here it is!

* * *

Searching for a Way

They say hope is the last to die. Elena wanted to take that to the letter. As Damon laid in his deathbed, she was still researching a way to save him. There had to be one. She didn't want him to die. She couldn't take it if he died. After all the battles they had fought together and won, after going against the odds so many times, she had grown fond of him. Though she wouldn't admit it, she loved him. Like Katherine, she had fallen in love with both brothers.

Damon had told her to give up, to try and make peace with the fact that his death was imminent, but she couldn't bring herself to even imagine him dying. It wasn't fair that Elena had to lose anyone else. She had lost enough people. Jenna and her parents were gone and never coming back. She refused to allow Damon to have the same fate. She promised herself that she wouldn't let him die. She would find a way, not matter what it took. If necessary, she would give her life. At least that way she wouldn't have to live without him.

She flipped another page in the heavy book. Everywhere Elena looked said the same thing, the same words she had come to hate with all her heart, "death is inevitable". It couldn't be. She wouldn't let Damon die. After all those times they had cheated death, he just couldn't die. Elena sighed in worry as she heard his coughs getting stronger. She needed to come up with something fast.

"Damon... I can't seem to find anything." She said, her eyes gleaming with sadness.

"It's okay, Elena." He murmured.

She couldn't accept that. It wasn't okay. Nothing about that situation was okay. She was afraid of losing him.

"I will find a way. Just hang in there." She stated, feeling more decided than ever.

She turned her attention back to the book, but the words didn't make sense anymore. Her sight blurred as tears ran down her eyes. She swallowed them and tried to concentrate again, knowing that there could be something there, in one of the many pages of the book, hidden between useless information, that would save Damon's life, but she was finding it harder and harder to concentrate, especially as she became aware that each minute she spent researching was one minute less that she spent with Damon.

With a sigh, she got up from the chair where she had been sitting and went to kneel beside Damon, holding back the tears that wanted to run down her eyes. He shouldn't have to see her like that. He was the one who was dying, and she was the one who was freaking out. There had to be something wrong with her, she was supposed to be the brave one in that situation, not Damon.

"I'm... I'm sorry. For everything bad I ever did to you." Elena blurted out between sobs.

"It's okay, Elena. You were the best thing that happened to me in a long time." Damon replied, turning his head to look at Elena.

"I was cruel and insensitive. I was too afraid that I'd be like Katherine, and I ended up being completely selfish." She said, the tears flowing more slowly as she managed to regain her composure.

"You showed me that I didn't have to be the monster I thought I was." It was true, and Elena couldn't deny it, even though she felt guilty. Damon had changed a lot since he'd come to Mystic Falls, and everyone told her that she was the reason for his changes.

With a sigh, Elena laid her head on Damon's arm, a sad smile coming to her lips. She'd never enjoyed that gesture so much, and she guessed that was because she had been too busy trying to be Elena, not Katherine. But in the end, she had only caused more pain to both brothers and herself. Maybe Katherine had been right in trying to have both Salvatores. Choosing was impossible, and trying to only stay with one had caused a lot of pain to everyone, especially Damon, and he deserved better than that.

Most of all, he deserved to know, especially as he lay dying, how she felt towards him. But how did she feel? That was a question she had been too afraid to answer before, but which she thought was absolutely necessary to answer, and fast. She didn't want him to die thinking he was nothing more than a friend of hers.

"I love you, Damon." She blurted out, not a hint of hesitation in her voice. She'd known it for some time, she just hadn't ever come to terms with it. But she couldn't bear the thought of Damon dying without knowing that.

"You... You love me?" For a split of a second, Damon's voice was almost normal. But just as soon as it came, that strength vanished.

"I told you I was selfish... I didn't want to be Katherine. I should have told you before. It was so hard to keep it to myself, to deny it even to myself... But I thought it was best, I thought that I could bring myself to fall out of love with you and just live a happy life with Stefan." The sobs were back, making Elena's speech almost incomprehensible. However, Damon understood what she was saying.

"Don't beat yourself over it. You told me, and that's all what matters. I love you too, Elena. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you."

There were so many other things that Elena wanted to tell him, but all of them sounded selfish, and she didn't want to be selfish, especially on what would probably be his last day of life. It was such a simple thing to say, and it felt so good to say it, but Elena had never had the courage to do it. Just three little words, three little words that had terrified her so much that she could only bring herself to say them when she was in danger of losing her chance of saying them forever.

Her cellphone then vibrated, bringing her out of her moment with Damon. Checking the caller's ID, she sighed. Stefan.


	2. Failure After Failure

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I'll remind you that I don't own The Vampire Diaries.

Chapter 2- Failure After Failure

Elena sighed as she answered the phone. She never seemed to catch a break. Every time she was about to do something that had been hard to decide, something interrupted her. But Stefan had also been working in researching a cure, so she knew she had to answer.

"Yes, Stefan?" She asked as she brought her phone to her ear, hoping that he would tell her the good news she had been waiting to hear all day.

"I can't find anything, Elena! There isn't one mention to a cure in any of the books!" Stefan exclaimed, and Elena could almost see tears running down his cheeks. "May I... May I speak to him?"

Elena nodded, forgetting that Stefan wasn't there to see her nod. Her mind was elsewhere, considering the possibility that maybe there wasn't a cure, that Damon was just going to die, to leave her. There was no way she would be able to survive if something like that were to happen. She thought she'd have eternity, or at least her whole life, to be with Damon, to figure out her feelings, but all of a sudden, she found out that she might only have a few hours. It was quite a shock, and Elena wasn't taking it well. She didn't want to take it well. She didn't want any of that to happen, she didn't want to have to worry about anything even remotely related to Damon dying, but she knew she didn't have an option. It wasn't like she could forbid him from dying. If she could, she'd have done it a long time before.

"Elena?" Stefan's worried voice came from the cellphone she was still holding. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, you can speak to him." Elena handed the phone to Damon, watching as his fingers carefully wrapped around the phone, noticing how the movement was carefully calculated instead of instinctive like the usual. He really was getting weaker.

* * *

Damon brought the phone to his ear with much more care than he usually would. He could feel his hand almost dropping it, but he hid that from Elena. He didn't want her to know just how weak he was getting. He knew she was freaking out, and he didn't want her to be too scared. He wasn't letting almost any of the pain show, but the weakness of his body was harder to hide.

"Damon?" Stefan's voice called. "How are you?"

To Stefan, Damon could tell how he was. The problem was that Elena was still there, and she didn't seem like she was leaving. Taking the phone away from his ear, Damon looked up at Elena, who was staring back at him with a worried look.

"Elena..." He began, wondering how he could phrase his request in a way that didn't seem like he didn't appreciate all what she had done for him since she'd found out about his werewolf bite. "I wanted to speak to Stefan alone."

With a short nod, she got up and, glancing hesitantly at Damon, Elena left the room. The bedroom seemed very empty without her there, but Damon knew that it was better for her not to know how bad he really was. She was already suffering thinking that she had more time with him than she really did. If he was to tell her that she had even less, she'd freak out.

"Not good, Stefan." He replied when he thought Elena was out of earshot. "It's getting worse fast. I don't know for how long I can pretend, but I can't let Elena know... She'd freak out, Stefan. She's already freaking out. She's hiding it, but I can tell."

"I'm going over there." Stefan said, and Damon could hear the sound of the library floorboards creaking as he moved.

"Stefan, no!" Damon tried to exclaim, but ended up having a coughing fit.

"You're not going to go through this alone, Damon. I have all the books I'm going to need here, so staying with you isn't going to be a problem." Stefan wasn't going to change his mind, Damon knew that.

"Just make sure you don't let Elena know why you're here. Make up an excuse, anything, just don't tell her the truth." Damon sounded so worried that even he found his voice strange. Even his acting was getting sloppier, he noticed, which meant it was only a matter of time before Elena could see straight through his facade.

"Don't worry, Damon. I'll see you in a few minutes." And with that, Stefan hung up, leaving Damon alone in the other side of the line. He didn't want to be cared for, he didn't want Stefan to see him so weak, so fragile, so breakable. But he was the only one who he would only let in, besides Elena, who he just didn't want to further scare.

* * *

Elena knew that Damon was keeping something from her, but she wasn't going to question him, not when he was so sick. She wanted to hide behind the door and overhear his conversation with Stefan, but she wouldn't do that. If Damon didn't want her to know something, she'd respect that. If the worst was to happen, she didn't want him to be mad at her.

With a sigh, she opened the book that she had carried downstairs, trying to take her mind off whatever Damon was hiding from her. But once again, she just couldn't concentrate. Her mind wasn't even worried about what Damon was hiding from her anymore. She was just scared that she would lose him. She wanted to curl up on the couch and cry, but she knew she had to be braver than that. Damon wouldn't be able to be brave enough for both of them forever, she needed to start to keep herself calm and focused.

A tear escaped her eye and she quickly wiped it away. How did Damon do it? Elena couldn't understand. He was the one who was on his deathbed, and he was being so brave, he was even comforting her. And she, who was perfectly healthy, was falling apart. He didn't seem like he was afraid.

The doorbell rang, taking her out of her thoughts. Maybe someone had found something. She could only hope. She knew that Damon was really weak, and she knew that it was only a matter of time before the hallucinations started. After that, it was a long and painful journey towards death.

Getting up in a hurry, Elena ran to the door. She was rather surprised to see Stefan. He'd told her that he was going to do some research at the library and probably wouldn't be there until the final moments. Was Damon on his final moments? The mere possibility made her want to run upstairs and stay in his room until he died. She didn't want to miss it, she didn't want him to die alone.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, not noticing how rude she sounded until the words left her mouth. "I mean, you told me that you wouldn't come until Damon was in his final moments."

The milliseconds that Stefan took to answer her question seemed like years. Elena was terrified that his answer would be something along the lines of 'and he is'. She knew it wasn't possible, as he hadn't yet begun to hallucinate, but she was scared nonetheless. She cared about him too much to keep herself rational.

"I changed my mind. I don't want to be so far away from him. I spent a long part of my life trying to despise him, and I have a lot to make up to him. I thought that being here would be a start." Stefan answered, glancing anxiously up the stairs. "I hope that's okay."

"Come on in. Does that mean that there's really no way?" Elena asked, holding back the tears that were almost running down her face. She wanted to hug Stefan and cry until she didn't have any more tears to shed, but she had promised herself she would be brave.

"I don't know, Elena." Stefan shook his head, sighing. Elena knew that Stefan was trying to hide how truly sad he was, but she could see straight through his act. She'd spent too long with him for him to be able to hide his emotions from her.

"He's in his room." She replied, blinking rapidly to keep her tears from rolling down her cheek.

* * *

Stefan climbed up the stairs, afraid of what he would see. He knew that Damon still wasn't as bad as he would soon be, but for his brother to be complaining about not being well, he had to be in a bad shape.

All too soon, he found himself in front of Damon's room. He had to go in, he had to comfort his brother. He wanted to, he wanted to be there for him, because though Damon had spent most of his vampire life torturing him, he had still been there when Stefan needed him to be. It was time to return the favor.

"Damon?" Stefan called as he knocked on the door, his voice just slightly higher than a whisper.


	3. Apologies

**Disclaimer: **I know you know it, but I'll say it again: I don't own The Vampire Diaries.

**Author's Note: **Thanks to all my reviewers! And if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to make them!

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Chapter 3- Apologies

Damon let his head roll to the side as he heard Stefan's voice coming from behind his door. He'd heard his conversation with Elena downstairs, and he was glad that Stefan hadn't told her anything about how bad he really was. He hadn't really expected his brother to fulfill his promise and lie to Elena.

"Come in." He invited Stefan, his voice just a little higher than his brother's.

The door creaked open, revealing a worried-looking Stefan. He made his way to Damon's bed and sat beside his brother, shifting awkwardly ever once in a while. Damon knew that there was something he wanted to tell him, something that wasn't going to make him happy. He'd grown up with Stefan, hiding something from him was very hard. He knew all of his brother mannerisms, even those which Stefan himself didn't know.

"Just say it already, Stefan." Damon muttered. He was almost sure that it had something to do with his condition, and he didn't want to drag it out. It was better for him to get all the information quickly. He hated the wait, the speculation, the false hope.

"It's nothing, really. Just something that came to my mind when I walked in." Stefan's voice said one thing, but his eyes told a completely different story. Damon didn't think he was lying about the second part, though. The way Stefan had been acting when he was inside the house wasn't the way he usually acted when he was nervous about telling someone something.

"If it's nothing, then you shouldn't have trouble telling me." Damon insisted, his eyes searching his brother's for any hints of what he wanted to tell him.

"I was just thinking that all the times I needed your help, you were there, but I wasn't always there when you needed me." Stefan's voice was slightly shaky, making Damon's hand search for his.

"That's not true. I should have been there for you so many times, but I was too stubborn." He wished he'd been there when Stefan really needed him, when Lexi had been there for him, but he had been so determined to hate his brother, to blame him for ever becoming a vampire, for Katherine's supposed death, that he hadn't. And he regretted it deeply.

"You were. One way or another, you were." Stefan smiled slightly, taking his brother's hand into his.

* * *

Elena was still trying to find something, anything, that would lead them to a cure. An alternative cure, anyway. One very obscure book had said that Klaus' blood would cure a werewolf's bite, but Stefan had searched for the Original and hadn't found him. Of course, when they needed him, he was never around.

One single image kept flashing before her eyes, making it almost impossible for her to keep the tears forming on her eyes from rolling down her cheeks. Damon, his skin almost white, his veins showing clearly, and his whole body shaking in pain as he took his final breaths. The books were very descriptive when it came to the vampire's death, so almost nothing was left for her to imagine. She just wished she could erase that image from her mind. It would be much easier for her to concentrate if she didn't come across the words "torturous death" every few pages. She didn't want him to die, especially not a painful death.

With a sigh, she shut yet another book. There were no mentions to any cures anywhere but on that one book, and they couldn't find Klaus. It was like the world didn't want them to find a way to cure Damon. Fear once again rose within Elena, bringing her close to tears. But she wouldn't let herself cry. She had to be strong for Damon. Only that way would she ever be able to help him. He was strong for her, and she was going to be strong for him.

Shaking her head to try and clear her mind, she opened another book.

* * *

It hurt Stefan to learn that Damon thought he hadn't been there when he needed him. The one constant in Stefan's life had always been Damon, which was one of the reasons why he couldn't just let him die, not when they were turned into vampires and not then. Whenever he was in trouble, he could always count on the fact that sooner or later, Damon would show up with a snarky remark and a sarcastic comment to save the day. But so many times his brother had needed help and he hadn't even realized, both in their vampire life and in their human life. That was one of the many guilts that he carried around, that he just couldn't rid himself of.

But he was there then. He was there for his brother, and he wasn't leaving, not unless it was to help him.

"I'm sorry for blaming you for becoming a vampire." The soft whisper was almost inaudible, but there was a certainty in it that made Stefan have no doubt that his brother meant what he was saying.

"It was my fault, Damon. I shouldn't have forced you to drink blood. I'm so sorry for that." Stefan shook his head, looking down in guilt. He should have heard his brother when he said that he didn't want to turn, he shouldn't have let himself get so carried away in wonder. It was his fault that his brother was a vampire, and he'd never forgive him for it. Stefan would never forgive himself either.

"No one forced me to love her." Damon's eyes had a twinkle of anger and disappointment in them, but Stefan knew that it wasn't directed to him. "I fell for her on my own account."

"None of this would have happened if I hadn't fed you blood, Damon. I'll never forgive myself for it." It was nothing but the truth. Damon might have fallen for Katherine, but that didn't mean that Stefan hadn't been wrong to force his brother to turn.

* * *

Elena just couldn't stand it anymore. The wait, the fear, the sadness, it was all just too much for her. Every minute brought Damon closer to death, and she was all too aware of that. She wanted to stay with him, to open all those books on the floor and go through them while comforting Damon, spending time with him, because if she missed the opportunity then, it might never come back. She'd have lost all the time she had to be with Damon, and he'd probably never know just how much she loved him, how much he meant for her.

Telling him that she loved him had been the beginning, but it hadn't really shown him how much she really cared about him. She'd left the room soon after confessing it to him. Elena needed to make sure he understood, to make sure he didn't think she was telling him that just because she might never have a chance to do that later. She knew she wasn't. Having him so close to death had forced her to come to terms with her feelings.

She got up from the couch with a jump and began to climb up the stairs. Damon and Stefan wanted some privacy, but Elena couldn't wait any longer. Was she being selfish? The question kept playing itself on her head, making her feel more and more guilty with each step she climbed.

The door to Damon's room was closed, and Elena could tell that they were having an intimate conversation. Shaking her head at herself, she turned around to leave. She couldn't intrude on the two brothers. After so many decades of fighting, they were finally getting along and saying things that should have been said long before. It would be too selfish of her to ruin the moment.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Stefan asked, his voice a little stronger than it had been before, a little more sure and less shy.

Damon hesitated before answering. He knew his brother was probably the only person who had ever seen him in a weak state and lived to tell the tale, and that he could trust Stefan, but even then his instinct told him not to say anything, to tell him that he was perfectly fine. But lying like that to Stefan after their previous conversation just seemed wrong, and Damon couldn't bring himself to do it.

"I've been better." He replied, looking away from his brother. Showing weakness, showing how fragile and breakable he was seemed all too hard for him, but he knew that sooner or later he would need to.

"Come on, Damon." His brother's voice wasn't stern or annoyed, it was soft and caring, and it made Damon feel more comfortable than he thought he could after being bit by a werewolf. "Elena's coming."

For a second, Damon thought his brother was fooling him, trying to make him speak thinking that he had to do it fast. But as he listened harder, he could hear her soft steps making their way to the stairs. He really needed to make himself admit to Stefan how bad he was before it was too late, before he had Elena there and had to choose to either let her know how bad he was or not let anyone know at all.

"It's getting worse, Stefan. The pain, the hunger... It's all getting worse. And fast." Damon's voice sounded strange to his ears, fragile and weak, little the voice of a sick child.

He almost wanted to be comforted, for his brother to hug him say that everything would be okay. But he could never say that, he could never let that show, even if he wanted to. Something inside him just wouldn't allow it. Besides, he could never look weak for Elena. He didn't want her to freak out.

"Come in, Elena." Stefan called as Elena's steps started to fade away.


	4. Memories

**Disclaimer:** After such a long time, I bet everyone forgot that I don't own the Vampire Diaries, didn't you?

**Author's note:** What is this, an update? I'm just as impressed as you are! It took me a long time to get this out, but I finally managed to. I hope you like it!

* * *

Chapter 4- Memories

Elena froze. Caught in the act, there wasn't much she could do but obey Stefan. She felt awful with herself for intruding on the brother's moment, but it didn't seem like they had minded it all that much. Otherwise they'd have ignored her once they realized she was going away. At least she didn't think they had minded, but she couldn't be sure, as her human hearing didn't let her hear what they were saying. Their voices had been too low for her to make out the words.

Turning around, Elena walked slowly towards the door, not at all proud of what she had done. She only hoped that she wouldn't get scolded, even though she thought she deserved it. Her fragile very sentimental state would make it hard for her to bear being scolded, especially since she thought they would be right to do so.

She blushed slightly as she entered the room, trying not to meet Stefan's and Damon's eyes. They were bound to be at very least mad at her.

"I'm sorry." Her words were a mere whisper, and she wished that she could make it a little more assertive, a little bit more certain of what she was saying. But no, she was too ashamed of what she'd been doing.

To her surprise, instead of screaming at her, instead of telling her to leave, to stay away from the room, Stefan just glanced at Damon, who shrugged and offered Elena a small smile, although a little forced. No one would have been able to tell, no one but the two other occupants of the room. "Don't worry about it, Elena." Where was his snark? The fact that Damon seemed to be very tame scared her.

"I interrupted you, I shouldn't have... You asked me to leave, I shouldn't have come back until you told me to." She shook her head, more embarrassed of what she had done when she realized she wasn't going to be reprimanded. "I'm sorry... I'll leave now." She moved to leave, but she didn't make it out the door.

"You don't have to, Elena. You can stay if you want." The girl hesitated, but she wanted to be with Damon, she almost needed it. Soon, he could be dead, and she wanted to spend as much time as she could with him before that happened.

Soon enough, she had settled back beside him, earning a slightly confused glance from Stefan, at which she just shrugged. She'd been trying to keep her distance from Damon, but even without her earlier confession, the situation would still have changed. The vampire might die that same day, a horrible, painful death. He deserved some comfort, and she knew her presence gave it to him. Besides, he was her friend, and she wanted to be close to him as he suffered through the bite.

There was no doubt that the pain was getting worse. Damon was starting to have a hard time dealing with it, and every once in a while, when he thought no one was looking, he would let himself wince. His arm felt like it was on fire, and that was anything but pleasant. Maybe he should tell Elena, he thought, maybe he should let everyone know how he really was, but he couldn't handle that. The way Elena looked at him, with worry clear in her eyes, was enough for him to forget the fact that he was sick, that he might die very soon. He couldn't let that look get any worse before it absolutely had to.

So as they sat there in silence, he didn't say a word about how he was feeling. All what he could do was to look between his brother and Elena, wishing that he could grab a giant eraser and erase that worry out of their feces, somehow make them worry less, but he knew he couldn't. Nothing would make them worry less.

Stefan had opened his book and was avidly reading as he rocked back and forth in his chair, a sight which Damon hadn't beheld since they had turned. It reminded him of cold winter days which they would spend indoors, and which his brother would spend reading some Shakespearean novel in front of the fire, often in his mother's old rocking chair. The memory made Damon's heart give a little squeeze, which he ignored, like he always did. Maybe, though, he thought, it was time to change that habit. If he didn't make it, he wanted to have at least said everything he knew needed to be said.

"You know, Stefan, you look a lot like Mother when you do that." Talking about his mother hurt, but he'd spend his entire life dodging the subject, always thinking that he would be there to tell Stefan all about her later, but all of a sudden he wasn't sure he would be anymore. And his little brother deserved to know who she'd been.

"I do?" His attention perked up at the mention of their mother like a child's, which brought a little smile to Damon's lips. He nodded towards the foot of the bed, indicating that Stefan was supposed to sit there. "Damon, I can't stop researching to hear about Mother."

"Yes, you can, and you will." His voice had its old commanding tone, but less of its usual strength.

"Damon..." Damon just shook his head. He was going to tell Stefan about their mother and nothing the younger vampire said would change his mind. Even Elena seemed interested, as she'd changed her position on the bed so that she was facing Damon fully.

"Stefan, shut up and listen to me. She was... She was wonderful." A sad smile crept to his lips, but Damon didn't stop. He knew that if he didn't get it out at that moment he never would. "She was kind and caring, and she had a way of keeping the peace that was really amazing." He swallowed, the memories invading his mind and almost bringing tears to his eyes. "She managed to keep Father in a short leash, being liberal and controlling at the same time. And every night she'd read to me before I went to bed. She'd seat in that old rocking chair you loved to play on and she'd read until I fell asleep. Even after she got sick, she'd make sure I heard a story before I went to sleep." His lips were quivering almost unnoticeably. "You know, she didn't want you to be named Stefan. She wanted Antonio. But Father said she'd already gotten to pick one name, he should have his turn, too."

There was a small smile on Stefan's lips, and it made Damon smile, too. He wanted to make his little brother smile like that before he was gone. It'd been such a long time since he'd done something brotherly, such a long time since he'd made Stefan smile on purpose. It made the pain feel a little less bad somehow.

"Why didn't you ever talk about her?" Stefan sounded like a little kid who'd just been told they had a nice aunt they'd never met. His green eyes shimmered with curiosity and just a tint of concern and Damon shrugged, deciding it was probably best for all of them if he didn't answer that question. That would just bring up subjects that should remain buried until he took his dying breath.

"It's complicated, Stefan." Damon evaded, shaking his head. Talking about it wouldn't make it any better, he was sure of that, so there was no need to worry his little brother with things that had happened a long time before.

"Isn't it always?" Stefan retorted, letting out a sigh. Though Damon really felt bad for Stefan, he couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. His little brother had no idea how complicated things really were, and for that, Damon was actually glad. That way, Stefan could keep a shred of innocence that the older brother never managed to.


End file.
